You smell like stripper and shame
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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