There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
