Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I'm both gender and math confused
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
