you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
