It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
