I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
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