I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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