does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Randomize
