My first STD was from a foam party
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
