its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
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