my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
