Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize