My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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