Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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