Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
