We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
My first STD was from a foam party
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
