So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
