As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize