Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
