I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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