I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
