Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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