I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
