I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
