Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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