Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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