Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize