There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You made out with two different species that night
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
