Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
