I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
