I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
