We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize