I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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