I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
