Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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