This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
