yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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