I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
sarcasm needs its own font
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
