whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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