In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
