I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize
