To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize