STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
