I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
