batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
