She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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