No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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