well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
