my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
