I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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