I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
