I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
