This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
This is the high leading the old right now
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
