Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
