the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
