he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
