Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
