I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize