Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
