i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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