Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
