cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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