So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
