he was CRYING into my vagina
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
