3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
