Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
