Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize