I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
