gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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