Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
