C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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