I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
