Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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