the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
No I am not eating basil off your cock
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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