Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
