i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
