Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
