No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
