Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
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