I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize