So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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