ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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