i wish peter jackson would direct porn
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
