You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
