..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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