Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
