I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
