We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
