If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
