Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
