Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize