Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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