The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
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