i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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