Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
