Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
